Mozarella
by Thorn In Your Side
Summary: Deidara/OC. Pizza, mansmex, and Tobi. Can you be more tempted? Pein is a Korean prince, I'unno why. I'm definitely high on something, I'll get you a bag later. Credit to Felix for some dialogue!


**Mozzarella **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! Or, come to think of it, Doragon, who is Felix the Eeveetrainer's self-insert…type…character…thing. 8D **

**A/N: Lolwhut, this is almost an inside joke. Felix and I were joking around in our forum about glomping, and he said something about being able to glomp Deidara if Sasori wasn't around. And of course, I had to make a DoraDei fic. Any excuse for smut, y'know?**

…**I can explain it better. I just choose not to. **

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

Tobi and Deidara were fighting. They'd been at it for a few hours now, and nobody really remembered what had sparked off the lovers' spat in the first place. All that mattered was that Deidara was angry, and when bombers get mad, they tend to blow things up.

Pein so did not need a bill for HQ repairs on top of everything else. Kakuzu would have a cow, and a calf, for good measure. Besides, he was getting sick of hearing '_you just don't get it, do you?'_ every time he walked by their room.

He didn't really need to walk by their room. But dammit, he liked his gossip as much as the next man.

"Tobi only ever tried to help sempai, but does sempai _**ever **_do _**anything**_ for Tobi, no! And just because Tobi wants a little time to spend with sempai—"

"You shut up with your sempai, un! You're so _**selfish, **_all you want is all about us, can't you understand that there's a greater good, un!?"  
Pein burst into the room and the duo fell silent. "Morning," he said genially.

Tobi sniffled. Deidara grunted. Pein cocked an eyebrow and vented a bit of chakra. Just some murderous intent, to lighten up the atmosphere.

"I _**said, **_morning."

"G-g-good morning."

"Un, bloody good morning."

Pein snorted mirthlessly. "Good morning? I don't think so. You're really annoying. The whole headquarters is _**resonating **_to the sound of your little squabble. Why don't you do us all a favor and make up?"

Deidara opened his mouth to argue, but to their vast surprise…the bell rang.

An uncertain silence prevailed.

"Unless Tobi is mistaken—which Tobi is sure he is not—the bell rang."

"No shit, un," Deidara mumbled absent mindedly. Pein rolled his eyes and jerked a finger over his shoulder. "Go get it."

"Make Tobi go get it!"

"Make sempai go get it! Tobi is not his slave!"

"You're as good as!"

"Take that back, sempai!"

"Make me, un!"

Pein put his foot down. Actually, he put his hand out, but you get the point.

"Both of you. Shut up. Both of you. Go answer the door."

Deidara glared at his masked lover, but stormed out anyway. Tobi made a sharp noise of discontent and followed him.

Pein rubbed his forehead, mystified.

"Since when the hell did we have a bell?"

He chuckled to himself.

"Heh, that rhymes."

(MEANWHILE)

The blond nearly jerked the door off its hinges. He and Tobi had bickered all the way there.

"Who the fuck are _**you, **_un?" he demanded of their visitor. The boy seemed to be a few years younger than himself, chocolate of hair and russet of eye. He wasn't exceptionally tall, but had a firm, stocky build and a curved, open face with sunroughed cheeks.

"Hey," he said with a affable grin, "I'm Doragon. Doragon Nasshimaru, professional thief. Can I come in?"

"You think I'm gonna let in someone who just _**told **_me they're a thief?"

"I didn't say I wanted to steal from you," Doragon pointed out.

"I don't know, sempai," Tobi began, "He doesn't look trustworthy."

"I have pizza," Doragon said.

Deidara's cobalt gaze swept from his disgraced lover to the attractive newcomer. He beamed and took the stranger by the arm. "Come on in, un, and tell me all about this…_pizza._"

The brunet beamed back at him as he pulled out a flat, wide cardboard box and said, "Sure thing. It's this type of foreign food, right, bread-based, and topped off with cheese and vegetables. Its _**delicious. **_Almost as delicious as you look," he added with a decidedly lecherous lilt. Tobi shifted his weight from one foot to another in distress. "Sempai!"  
"I think I love you," Deidara informed Nasshimaru as he led him down the hall to an empty dining hall. As they passed the masked man, the thief handed him a slice of pizza.

"Knock yourself out, kid."

Tobi gasped. "No! Sempai, come back!"

But the vicarious blond was long gone.

0-0

Doragon set down cardboard box and turned around to find Deidara watching him with a curious expression.

"Like what you see?" he smirked.

"What a line, un."

"You're not denying it, though."

Deidara gave a smirk of his own and moved in on the brunet. "No, I'm not."

Doragon felt a hand on his waist and raised an eyebrow. "You don't want to eat first?"

"I had a different meal in mind," Deidara admitted, "Why don't we work up an appetite?"

Now, I know what you're thinking. I can see it in the way you're rolling your eyes. Why the hell would two men straight out have sex not five minutes after they've met? There are a few conditions that excuse them from normal behavior. Firstly, Deidara's an S-class ninja. He's under the impression he can stop this if it gets out of hand. He's also mad at his vaguely-beloved partner-in-crime-and-debauchery, and what better way to irk him further but to sleep with strange young boys? Next, Doragon, our little dragon boy, doesn't know that Deidara and Tobi aren't alone in the house he's just knocked upon. He's heard rumors of the place hosting several items of value, and has come a-knocking to whisk them away. He's making up his plan as he goes along, and it's got something to do with the sleeping mix in the pizza.

And while he's at the whole stealing business, why not indulge a few of his baser desires as well?

Exactly.

Doragon let those hands—with _**tongues **_on them, oh, wow—run over his pelvis and sneak into his britches. He grabbed Deidara's cloak and started to kiss along the wide jaw, pausing to lick at those pale pink lips. A tongue darted out to lick back, and he kissed the bomber hard, pressing up against him until he felt—

"Whoa!" Doragon said, jerking away, "What the hell is that!?"

"My dick, un," Deidara said, confused, "What else?"

"You're a man?"

The blond pulled a face. "Why must everyone think me a woman?!"

"It's just…I didn't think you were a man."

Deidara sighed. "There goes another chance at some action."

"I didn't say that," the thief said slyly, pulling him back into a kiss, "I never said," he kissed Deidara's cheek, "That…" he kissed his other cheek, "And you shouldn't jump…" he kissed those lips again, ahh, those lips... "to conclusions.."

Deidara gurgled embarrassingly as Doragon's hands slipped inside his cloak, cunning fingers rubbing his chest. He fumbled with the boy's pants, pulling them down and picking him up, depositing him on the cool table top. Nasshimaru hissed and gripped Deidara as his bare bum seared with cold. Deidara stared with a vapid expression on his face at the brunet's crotch, and then lifted his hips. He produced the small bottle of lube he'd taken to carrying around with him and slid a few slick fingers into Doragon, using his other hand to lick at the boy's prodigious girth. The thief made a long, breathy sound, like "Haaaaaa," except with a growly undercurrent of lust.

Recognizing his desire, Deidara opened his own cloak. Doragon caught a glimpse of what had recently been pressed against him and then he felt it at his hole, sliding in smoothly. He grunted, going savage at the sensation of having someone in him, and Deidara leaned over him, picking up his hips to get in deep.

Doragon threw his head back, sweat beading on his forehead as he moved his hips, losing rhythm fast, erratic shudders of pleasure grating through his nerves. He didn't know this man, sure, and it had been long enough since his last anti-STD potion that he might die as a result of this brief blissful union, but he found it so hard to care when Deidara leaned into his torso like that, pulling his hips down, and spilling himself in the brunet, hot and needy.

Doragon finished a close second, flexing his body and losing control as he came in Deidara's attentive hands, which had touched on his shaft as soon as the blond had reached his orgasm. They lay like that for a while, breathless and sweaty, until Doragon grinned and asked, "You hungry yet?"

Deidara was about to reply when Pein walked in.

"Why is Tobi unconscious at the door—_**what. The. Hell,**_" he interrupted himself, staring at the half naked men. Doragon's eyes widened.

"Holy fuck!" he yelped, throwing Deidara off and throwing himself at Pein's feet, "Seja-sama!"

"Seja-sama?" Deidara frowned, not just displeased at having been shoved aside so unceremoniously.

Pein used his foot to tilt Doragon's head up. He noted the rich brown of the eyes, the familiar angles of the face, and furrowed his brow. "…Doragon? Doragon Nasshimaru?"

"Seja-sama!" Doragon leapt up and embraced the orange haired male. "You remember me!"

"Of course. What are you doing here?"

The boy wore a sheepish look as he said, "I'd heard that this was a rich house. I'm here to steal. But not anymore, of course—"

"Hey!" Deidara said indignantly, "You said you weren't here to—"

"I said I didn't say I was going to steal from you. I didn't actually say I wasn't going to steal from you."

"…What?"

"Deidara," Pein said, "Go wake up Tobi."

"No, un! I demand an answer!"

"I'm going to give you an answer, Deidara, even though I don't generally take orders from hired help. This boy is—was—a member of the royal court of Korea."

"He's _**Korean**_?" the blond sniffed disgustedly, "I just had sex with a Korean?"

"Yes, and the sooner you get over it the better, because you work for one too," Pein said. Doragon nodded, opened his mouth to say something, realized he was still half naked and scurried for his pants.

"What…"

"Seja means crown prince in Korean."

"What…oh."

"Hmm. Doragon, I don't know what brought you to Japan, but if you go back to Korea and tell anyone you saw me…"

"Of course not!" the boy said, outraged that Pein could even contemplate such a betrayal on his part, "What kind of traitorous fuck do you think I am?"

"The kind that abandons his parents to become a thief."

"Yeah, but that's different!"

"Do I care?"

"No."

"Why are you still here, Deidara? Didn't I tell you to go wake Tobi up?"

"Un," the blond said, shuffling out.

"Why are _**you **_still here, Doragon?"

"…I forget."

"Get lost. And quit sleeping with random men, you slut."

"Right," the brunet said, and, throwing a smarmy salute, jumped out the window with his belongings.

Deidara walked back in, followed by a very upset Tobi.

"Sempai is so mean!"

Ignoring him, the blond stared at the table.

"Hey, that boy didn't give me any of that pizza stuff after all, un!"  
**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

…**XD**

**Yeah. Okay. That wasn't great, but fuck it, this is probably like my last fic in a long time. Stupid pre-finals, fuck. **


End file.
